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INT. JUDAS’ APARTMENT
The buzzer sounds. Bartholomew jumps up excitedly and buzzes the door open.
BARTHOLOMEW
Uh oh! Let’s get ready to rumble!
JUDAS
It’s not that big a deal.
SIMON
Dude, I talked to Phil; he’s pissed. This get together was his idea; he definitely wants to talk with you.
JUDAS
The only person he can be mad at is himself for fumbling the rock.
BARTHOLOMEW
No one said he was justified. We just said, he’s pissed.
The door opens and Philip walks through.
BARTHOLOMEW
What’s going on, playa?
Simon laughs out loud, but Judas keeps his composure, not wanting to exacerbate the situation.
PHILIP
Hey Bart. What’s up Simon?
Philip turns his attention to Judas.
PHILIP
Benedict!
JUDAS
You’re not serious, are you?
PHILIP
You went behind my back and ruined the opportunity for me and Courtney to build a long lasting relationship.
JUDAS
Phil, she was a slut. Why can’t you understand that fact?
BARTHOLOMEW
Yeah Phil. Look at the facts; she was a whore.
PHILIP
Everyone has a past. The fact of the matter is, she could have been my wife.
The room is filled with laughter.
JUDAS
Phil, I was going to try and discuss this, but clearly, you are insane.
BARTHOLOMEW
Yeah Phil, the whore housewife thing is real; you can’t change her.
PHILIP
So you guys are saying I have no right to be angry?
JUDAS
Yeah!
SIMON
I didn’t say that. Judas was definitely wrong for going behind your back.
BARTHOLOMEW
I would agree, except for the fact that Phil always fumbles the rock. It’s almost as if he has an addiction to fumbling; this incident might just be his rock bottom.
SIMON
In a way, you’re right, but Judas was still fucked up; he should have let Phil know he was going to bang her.
JUDAS
you’re right; I should have told Phil, and for that I apologize. I honestly didn’t think you would ever try to bang her.
PHILIP
I wanted more than just sex. Why can’t you understand that?
JUDAS
Phil, I don’t know any other way to say it other than calling her a slut. She was not the girl for you.
BARTHOLOMEW
Yeah Phil, this captain save-a-ho shit has to stop. Chicks like Courtney are supposed to be passed around, nothing more, nothing less.
SIMON
I wouldn’t mind taking a turn.
Bartholomew and Judas laugh, but Phil Shoots a death stare at Simon.
SIMON
I’m just playing, damn.
PHILIP
I just want an apology.
JUDAS
I’m truly sorry, Phil. I’ll never go behind your back again.
BARTHOLOMEW
Don’t say that; I think Phil wants you behind his back.
The guys laugh.
JUDAS
You owe us an apology too, Phil. This isn’t Texas Hold ‘Em; you don’t slow play it with a slut.
BARTHOLOMEW
Yeah Phil, definitely not with two Jacks!
Everyone laughs. Phil too cracks a smile.
PHILIP
With friends like you guys, I don’t need to live.
SIMON
What the hell did I do?
PHILIP
You’re all in this together. I’m never going to apologize for being a gentleman.
JUDAS
Speaking of being a GENTLE man, why the hell did you take her to the airport?
PHILIP
Because she is still a friend.
BARTHOLOMEW
Damn, I don’t expect anything less from you, Phil. You are who you are.
SIMON
Couldn’t the two of you have discussed this over dinner? Why the hell did me and Bart have to be summoned?
PHILIP
I thought I asked you to call Matt; I wanted to talk about my conversation with James.
SIMON
I did call him, but his cell went to voicemail. I called the house phone, but the parole officer picked up and she refused to give him the phone.
JUDAS
What?
SIMON
Yeah, she said he had better things to do than hang around with a bunch of idiots.
JUDAS
That’s not going down.
Judas picks up the phone and dials Matthias’ cell phone.
MATTHIAS
Hello.
JUDAS
Why didn’t you return Simon’s call?
MATTHIAS
Ah…I was going to…but…uh… I’ve been real busy with my latest case.
JUDAS
You are the most whipped man on the planet. Are you telling me that your wife won’t let you chill with us anymore?
MATTHIAS
What are you talking about? I’ve really been busy; I’m not lying.
JUDAS
If you’re not lying, I would like you to explain why your wife didn’t pass YOU, YOUR phone, when Simon called YOUR house.
MATTHIAS
She was probably just joking around.
JUDAS
You’re such a bitch. The reason we are trying to contact you, is because Phil spoke with James and he wanted to talk about the convo; either you get your ass over here, or I never want to speak to you again.
MATTHIAS
Hold on a second.
JUDAS
No, be a man and answer me! You know what, I’m going to let Bart deal with you.
Judas passes the phone to Bartholomew.
BARTHOLOMEW
Hello.
MATTHIAS
Hey Bart.
BARTHOLOMEW
Matt, what’s happening with you? Don’t tell me “the boss” won’t let you chill with your boys.
MATTHIAS
Hold on a second, Bart.
Matthias attempts to cover the mouthpiece, but Bartholomew can still hear the conversation.
MATTHIAS
Hey hun.
MICHELLE
What?
MATTHIAS
I’m about to go to the store. Do you need anything?
MICHELLE
What are you going to the store for?
MATTHIAS
Just to pick up something.
MICHELLE
What do you mean something? Where are you going?
MATTHIAS
To the store.
MICHELLE
Hold on, something isn’t right. I knew it, who are you on the phone with.
MATTHIAS
I’m talking with Bart. I was going to pick up some things at the store and then stop by Judas’ so we can talk about James.
MICHELLE
No! that’s not happening; I’m tired of those idiots bringing their drama into our house.
MATTHIAS
It’s just for a few minutes. I never tell you who to be friends with.
MICHELLE
We already talked about this. My friends don’t need adult supervision. Why are we discussing it again?
Bartholomew cannot stand to listen to anymore; he hangs up the phone and shakes his head in disbelief.
JUDAS
What happened?
BARTHOLOMEW
He was begging her, and she just kept saying “no.” It’s like he’s her child.
JUDAS
I always knew that chick was bad news; ever since the first time I met her and she had a “rude excuse me!”
PHILIP
What the hell is a “rude excuse me?”
JUDAS
You know; it’s when a chick wants to get by and she says “excuse me,” but with an ill attitude.
The guys laugh.
JUDAS
It’s crazy! These chicks take, arguably the most courteous phrase, and turn it into something rude. I hate chicks who give the “rude excuse me!”
BARTHOLOMEW
Hell yeah, I can’t stand that.
JUDAS
I honestly don’t ever want to talk to Matt; that shit is weak.
BARTHOLOMEW
Yeah, I feel you.
PHILIP
Hopefully, he’ll get his manhood back.
Judas stands up and looks directly at Simon.
JUDAS
That better not be what happens to you!
SIMON
C’mon son; don’t ever disrespect me like that again!
JUDAS
This shit sucks!
SIMON
So Phil, what happened with James?
The conversation is interrupted by a beeping noise. Judas reaches for his hip and retrieves a device.
SIMON
That beeper ring tone is kinda hot; it reminds me of back in the day.
JUDAS
That’s no ring tone.
Judas holds up a beeper and the guys laugh uncontrollably.
JUDAS
Don’t laugh; this is hot.
BARTHOLOMEW
Are you shitting me? When the hell did you get a beeper; all of a sudden you’re a doctor?
JUDAS
Na, it’s for the team; these chicks have been driving me crazy.
PHILIP
Please explain, because I can’t wait to hear this.
JUDAS
I got tired of dealing with these chicks, so I started giving them my beeper number. If they want to contact me, they have to beep me.
The guys laugh.
JUDAS
It’s the best idea I ever came up with. I never have to deal with any nonsense. The calls are always short and to the point. I call them back with my cell number blocked out and tell them I’m on a payphone. For some reason, I never have enough change to talk for more than a few minutes.
SIMON
If Leslie wasn’t such a private detective, I would definitely use that.
BARTHOLOMEW
It’s actually not a bad idea.
PHILIP
Lying is always a bad idea.
JUDAS
Say what you want, but I love my beeper. Not to mention the fact that some chicks assume I’m a doctor; my team is growing exponentially.
PHILIP
You honestly need to get tested.
JUDAS
Too bad they haven’t invented a gay/straight test; we need to work on one of these for you.
Everyone but Phil laughs.
BARTHOLOMEW
I love the beeper, but I want to hear what Phil has to say about James.
JUDAS
Yeah Phil, what’d he say?
PHILIP
First he thanked me for sending some money from his stash. The good news is, he hasn’t been raped yet. He joined the bloods, so he is protected.
JUDAS
Did he say what they made him do?
PHILIP
No, he said it was confidential and he didn’t want to discuss it over the phone. In fact, the entire conversation was weird because he spoke in code; he’s super paranoid.
BARTHOLOMEW
Did they offer him the plea?
PHILIP
Yeah, he has to do three and a half.
JUDAS
That sucks, but it’s way better than what he was facing. I need to get his lawyer.
BARTHOLOMEW
Looks like the crew won’t be the same for a few years.
JUDAS
The crew will never be the same; Matt is doing life.
BARTHOLOMEW
Yeah, I almost forgot about his situation.
JUDAS
What else did James say?
PHILIP
Nothing much. He will be moved to the prison in a month or so, then we can go back and visit him.
SIMON
I’m definitely not missing this one.
PHILIP
What if Leslie catches you again?
SIMON
Who cares. The one thing I realized was the fact that she wasn’t going to leave; I should have just went to see James instead of wasting my time on that couple’s retreat.
PHILIP
Dude, you cheated on her while you were there.
SIMON
Oh yeah, I almost forgot; it wasn’t a complete waste, after all.
PHILIP
I can’t say this enough; she’s a lucky girl.
JUDAS
She is lucky. Simon might stray every now and again, but he always makes it back home.
PHILIP
I’m outta here. I’m too tired for this nonsense.
JUDAS
Yeah, it’s time for everyone to leave; I have to make a phone call. My lady friend beeped me, 911.
The guys laugh as they exit the apartment.
[It's A Wrap!]
@PeteTeix617
