The Myth

This entry is the fifth of a series. Heaven’s Angels   A Lesson   The Laws   The Tradition

Joan returned on schedule, but I was concerned because she appeared to be visibly upset. She didn’t say hello, in fact she didn’t say anything; Joan just stood in the middle of my room and stared at me, indignantly.

Me: “Are you ok; what’s wrong?”

Joan: “Why did you ignore me this past weekend?”

Me: “What are you talking about?”

Joan: “I attempted to deliver a message to you, but you ignored me. Why?”

Me: “Are you sure it was me; I was in LA. Maybe someone was sleeping in my bed and you scared the crap out of them.”

Joan: “Of course I’m sure it was you; I decided to take on a different form. The Lord had a suggestion about the myth and I wanted to deliver his message to you.”

Me: “I’m sorry. I honestly had no idea.”

Joan: “I was standing in Hollywood with a microphone and I know you heard me because you wrote a post about it.” (Read said post, here: Second Day: LA)

Me: “That wasn’t you.”

Joan: “Yes it was!”

Me: “You fooled me with the Halloween costume, but you aren’t going to fool me with this one. I know you aren’t going to appear on earth as a Jesus freak!”

[She laughs.]

Joan: “Damn, I thought I could get you, again.”

Me: “Looks like I evened up the score.”

Joan: “Let’s hear the myth.”

Me: “I thought it would be best for me to focus on the fact that the myth should scare children into behaving properly. The character I came up with is called, Herpes Harold. He travels around the world and gives Herpes to the bad children, and his secret home will be inside the Vatican.”

[She laughs.]

Joan: “Please tell me you’re kidding?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I completely forgot about the myth and this is all I was able to come up with.”

Joan: “I like the fact that you are placing shame on the Vatican for their past atrocities, but we need a hero; I can’t believe you forgot.”

[I laugh.]

Me: “Looks like you’ve been had. I believe the score now reads: two to one, in my favor.”

Joan: “I can’t believe I fell for that.”

Me: “Enough joking around; here is what I created. From now on, people will greet one another by saying ‘Happy Basalt Day,’ on October 23rd.”

Joan: “Basalt Day? I’m not sure that’s better than Christmas.”

Me: “Trust me, it will catch on! I decided to focus on the rock, which must be Basalt. Our moral policeman, if you will, is Magma. He is half man, half rock. He lives in an underwater Volcano, deep beneath the Pacific Ocean, and penguins work year round to make the toys.”

Joan: “That’s not bad. Continue.”

Me: “Once St. Peter became the new Lord; he created Magma and gave him control over all volcanoes. From this day forth, whenever Magma gets angry with our behavior on earth, he causes an eruption.”

Joan: “I like it; this factor will help us keep a grasp on the naive adults. Tell me more.”

Me: “Children all over the world will carve their wish lists onto the Basalt rocks. Angels will be assigned to watch over the children and decide whether they are proper, or misbehavers. The angels will deliver the reports to the Magma’s aides, who are penguins. Once the list is completed on the eve of October 23rd, Magma sets off on his journey.”

Joan: “How does he travel?”

Me: “Magma has talking dolphins. He stands on a large granite surfboard and the dolphins swim towards land. Once on the shore, the dolphin’s tails transform to feet and they are capable of running at the speed of light; they are basically invisible. Magma travels to each home and delivers the gifts to the proper children. For the misbehavers, Magma orders his most trusted assistant, a sea lion named Diamond, to chisel away the bad child’s gift list.“

Joan: “So let me get this straight. The obedient children, the ‘proper’ ones, wake up to a rock surrounded by gifts, and the misbehavers wake up to a rock which has the wish list scratched off?”

Me: “Exactly. And the homes without a rock belong to Jesus’ non-believers!”

Joan: “Sounds good so far. What else?”

Me: “Children will be taught to pray to the angels, in an effort to ensure that they receive a positive report.”

Joan: “I must say, I think you have a winner here.”

Me: “Thanks, I’m glad you like the myth. There are more details which I will reveal over time. Next week, I will write the story of Magma’s new favorite Dolphin, who was able to save the day during a hurricane. I will then share the story of Diamond, in the following week’s post.”

Joan: “I can’t wait. There is a lot of potential here.”

Me: “In a generation or two, Magma will be the new children’s hero and Santa will be synonymous with Jesus.”

Joan: “The more characters you can create, the faster the myth will spread. Keep up the great work!”

Me: “I’ll continue to do my best. I’ll also get one of my creative friends to sketch out the characters.”

Joan: “Wonderful! That will be a nice touch! I’ll deliver the story to the Lord; I’m sure he’ll be thoroughly pleased. I’ll see you next week!”

[She disappeared.]

May the Lord bless all of you for reading!

@PeteTeix617

Fallon The Blind Dolphin

 

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17 responses to “The Myth

  1. Pingback: The Tradition | Wacky Pete's Wicked & Wonderful Words of Wis-dumb

  2. First of all, welcome back to the east coast!! Thought I’d start my post by saying something nice because here goes:

    I find this series to be boring. It started off pretty good with Joan actually wanting to sleep with you, twice(hilarious!) and the story of how Jesus is really an ego maniac playboy but its become this long played out joke. I get it, it was funny that you were actually chosen by god to be his disciple but now I’m just waiting for you to wrap it up. That’s just my opinion, if other people are enjoying it then that’s great. You better than anyone know you can’t please everyone!

    • Thanks for the welcome back!

      I don’t intend this to be a joke; my goal is to create a real religion, which I believe will dominate the world in the future. You have to understand that religion is not intended to be humorous; it’s all about faith.

      I have a calling which I cannot ignore! I don’t want to end up with Jesus!

  3. Whatever.

    So basically this will continue…I guess Tuesdays will be my blog free day.

    If that thing about Jesus was true, he seemed to have had a damn good time before he went to hell, so maybe he’s a fun guy!

  4. Or wine as long as its not his blood…talk about immediate std and just plain yucky!

    Yea, I guess I can give it one more read. I enjoy children’s tales as long as they’re twisted, none of that happily ever after non sense!

    • I like Magma. I was thinking great white, but this is for children. I don’t want them jumping into the ocean, trying to pet Magma’s friend. I also wanted orcas, but the cute dolphins will sell better. After all, religion is all about the money!

  5. Pingback: Fallon The Blind Dolphin | Wacky Pete's Wicked & Wonderful Words of Wis-dumb

  6. Pingback: The Revelation | Wacky Pete's Wicked & Wonderful Words of Wis-dumb

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