Bagging Up – Episode 6

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INT. SIMON’S APARTMENT.

Judas stopped by to discuss his investment portfolio.

PHILIP

Great! Everything looks in order. Thanks for looking out for my future.

SIMON

You should be able to buy a beach house on the Vineyard and a yacht, in a few years.

PHILIP

Sounds great!

SIMON

Just don’t forget your boy when you move on up.

PHILIP

I got you!

SIMON

Speaking of got me, how about you treat me to dinner for all of my hard work?

PHILIP

I’ll have to take a rain check; I have to pick up Courtney from the airport.

SIMON

Courtney? Who the hell is that?

PHILIP

The beautiful woman I met in Tucson.

SIMON

She’s coming to visit you in Boston?

PHILIP

Yeah, she’ll be in town visiting a friend of her’s, so we’re having dinner tonight.

SIMON

Tell me you’re going to smash it.

PHILIP

My sex life is none of your business.

SIMON

I’ll take that as a big no!

PHILIP

I’ll talk to you later; I’m outta here.

SIMON

Wait! Before you go, I want to say a prayer.

Simon grabs Philip’s hand and looks skyward.

SIMON

Dear Lord, on this beautiful day, I want you to bless Phil and give him the strength and confidence to bed one of your most beautiful specimens.

Philip releases his hand and walks towards the door while Simon laughs.

PHILIP

You’re laughing now, but you won’t be laughing in Hell!

Philip exits and the door closes.

INT BARTHOLOMEW’S APARTMENT.

Later on in the evening, Simon decided to drive over to his friend’s house since Philip was busy.

SIMON

Hey, did you hear that Phil is going to dinner with that hot chick from Arizona.

BARTHOLOMEW

I don’t want to hear anything about Phil’s sex life.

SIMON

I never said anything about sex.

The guys laugh.

BARTHOLOMEW

What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be taking Leslie to the movies or something?

SIMON

Hell no! I told her that I had to help you with a personal problem. I need my personal space; I discovered that I can’t be around one woman for more than a few hours.

BARTHOLOMEW

So what’s the point of being in a relationship?

SIMON

You have to have that one girl who will always hold you down.

BARTHOLOMEW

I get the feeling that this is relationship is not going to end well for you.

SIMON

Probably not.

The doorbell rings. Bartholomew lets in Judas.

BARTHOLOMEW

What’s going on.

JUDAS

I have a hot date later, so I decided to see what you losers were doing for the night while I wait for “the call.”

SIMON

Don’t tell me you’re going to a club.

JUDAS

Hell no! I told her that I was busy, so we’ll only have enough time for sex, tonight.

BARTHOLOMEW

Nice!

JUDAS

I wanted to talk to you guys about a new business venture that you might want to hop on.

BARTHOLOMEW

What type of business?

JUDAS

One of the guys I train, has his own company and he is looking for investors. They are going to revolutionize the sexual experience by making safe sex more enjoyable.

SIMON

How?

BARTHOLOMEW

Don’t tell me it’s a more realistic sex doll.

JUDAS

No! There will be no more need for condoms.

SIMON

No condoms? I like the sound of that.

JUDAS

Apparently, scientist have developed a spray-on condom.

BARTHOLOMEW

What? That’s ridiculous.

JUDAS

I’m serious. You spray-on the liquid and you will be protected from all STDs.

SIMON

I don’t think it would actually work, but I’d try it.

JUDAS

It really works. They already  performed a bunch of tests. They are so sure, the box will come with a money back guarantee.

BARTHOLOMEW

This should be good.

JUDAS

If you catch an STD, the company will give you your money back.

Simon and Bartholomew laugh.

BARTHOLOMEW

So let me get this straight. You apply the spray, and then if it doesn’t work and you catch AIDS, the company will give you your five bucks back?

JUDAS

You don’t have to invest if you don’t want to; just don’t be pissed when I’m a multi-millionaire.

BARTHOLOMEW

You might make millions, but all of the lawsuits will leave you broke.

The guys laugh.

SIMON

I don’t know, I kind of like it. You get to bang a chick raw without the fear.

BARTHOLOMEW

I wish you guys the best of luck.

JUDAS

You’re such a hater.

Judas’ Phone rings.

JUDAS

Hello.

WOMAN

Hey, I just finished dinner, should I just take a cab over?

JUDAS

Yeah, I’ll be here waiting for you; I can’t wait to see you.

WOMAN

I’ll be there soon.

Judas hangs up his cell phone.

JUDAS

Sorry fellas, I gotta go; duty calls.

BARTHOLOMEW

Are you going to use the spray?

The guys laugh.

JUDAS

If I had a sample, I definitely would.

Judas walks towards the door and Simon decides to head home, as well.

INT. NEIGHBORHOOD DINER.

The following morning, the guys decided to get together for a late breakfast.

SIMON

Hey Bart, if you don’t mind, I want to talk to Phil about his dinner date.

BARTHOLOMEW

You know what? I’m not going to get upset anymore. Phil will be Phil; it is what it is.

SIMON

So Phil, what happened?

PHILIP

We had dinner.

SIMON

I know, but did you smash?

PHILIP

My objective wasn’t sex; I wanted to reestablish our friendship.

SIMON

You’re right Bart, he is who he is. Chick flies all the way up here from freaking Tucson, and this dude doesn’t seal the deal.

BARTHOLOMEW

It is what it is.

PHILIP

I actually ended up going to my neighbor’s party after the dinner.

SIMON

Did you meet any chicks?

PHILIP

No, but there was a drunk dude who wanted to drive himself home.

BARTHOLOMEW

Tell me you guys took his keys.

PHILIP

No, the host actually placed a do not resuscitate form in the dude’s pockets and sent him on his way.

SIMON

I guess he deserved that!

The conversation stops when Judas walks in.

JUDAS

I don’t know about you guys, but I feel drained.

SIMON

Why didn’t you bring your companion with you; we would have liked to meet her.

JUDAS

She was here to serve a purpose and she fulfilled her duties quite well! She’s actually still knocked out, but I left a note telling her to meet us here.

PHILIP

Lucky girl! I don’t know how you keep finding these low self esteem women.

JUDAS

It’s a gift!

SIMON

You’re not the only one who had a date last night.

JUDAS

You  get caught cheating on Leslie again?

SIMON

Not me, it was Phil.

JUDAS

Yeah, did you smash?

SIMON

What do you think? He took the girl to dinner and nothing else.

JUDAS

Damn Phil, you have to stop wasting your time. The friend zone is for losers. I’ll give you some pointers.

PHILIP

No thanks! I heard about your new condom spray.

The guys laugh. Judas spots the woman from the previous night. He stands up and waves her over. When she arrives at their table, everyone except for Simon is speechless. It turns out that the woman is Courtney, from Arizona.

COURTNEY

Hey guys. Bart, Phil.

BARTHOLOMEW

Hey.

Philip remains speechless.

JUDAS

Courtney, this is Simon.

COURTNEY

Hello, Simon.

SIMON

Hi! It’s nice to finally meet you.

Courtney takes a seat.

PHILIP

SO, how do you two know each other?

JUDAS

Well, you told me to start making friends on Facebook, so I did. Courtney was one of my “people you may know.”

COURTNEY

Yeah, he sent me a friend request, and we hit it off.

PHILIP

That’s great. When you said you were meeting a friend, I didn’t realize it was a guy.

COURTNEY

Is there a problem? This isn’t weird for you, is it?

PHILIP

No, don’t be silly. Me and you are just friends. I was just surprised, that’s all.

COURTNEY

Great!

BARTHOLOMEW

Wonderful!

Bartholomew shakes his head.

COURTNEY

Well, I just stopped by to say hello, I’m going to head back to the hotel and get ready for the day. Phil, we’re still going to the museum today, right?

PHILIP

Yes, just call me when you’re ready.

COURTNEY

Super, I can’t wait.

Courtney leans over and plants a kiss on Judas’s lips.

COURTNEY

I’ll see you later tonight! Bye guys.

Courtney leaves the diner.

SIMON

Wow, that was brutal.

PHILIP

You’re a bigger asshole than I thought.

JUDAS

What are you talking about?

PHILIP

Courtney is a great woman and you’re treating her like one of your sluts.

JUDAS

First of all, it was your idea for me to make friends on Facebook. I can’t help it if Courtney decided to fly up here. Plus, you said you weren’t trying to smash.

PHILIP

If you hurt her, I’ll make you pay.

JUDAS

What are you talking about? You don’t even know the chick.

SIMON

Yeah man, you’re acting crazy. The chick is a whore.

JUDAS

Exactly, I talked to her for a couple days and she hopped on a plane and flew out here for some dick; that’s not a good girl, Phil.

BARTHOLOMEW

These things are expected when you enter into the friend zone; don’t cock block, Phil.

SIMON

Hold on! I can’t believe what I just realized. Phil took her out to dinner and warmed her up for Judas to smash.

Everyone but Philip laughs.

PHILIP

I’m going home to get ready to hang out with my friend; we’ll discuss this later.

BARTHOLOMEW

Are you crazy? Don’t tell me you’re going to warm her up for Judas, again!

SIMON

Yeah Phil, cancel the museum.

PHILIP

I offered to take Courtney to the museum and I’m not going to cancel because you guys are too childish to understand the value of a friendship.

BARTHOLOMEW

Why don’t you just admit that you are pissed that Judas is banging the chick you fell in love with?

PHILIP

She’s my friend. And the way that you guys are behaving, I’m not sure I can say the same about my boys.

Philip leaves the diner.

SIMON

Why did you bang the broad? You knew Phil was in love with her.

JUDAS

I wasn’t trying to. She’s a freak!

BARTHOLOMEW

Don’t sweat it; Phil has to learn the hard way.

JUDAS

Yeah, I guess.

The guys leave the diner.

INT. JUDAS’ APARTMENT

Judas and Courtney were laying in bed after a passionate night.

JUDAS

Your flight is tomorrow morning, right?

COURTNEY

No, it’s at 2pm. I can sleep over and leave in the morning.

JUDAS

Great.

COURTNEY

Will you be able to take me to Logan? I only have my carry-on, so I can get there around 1:15.

JUDAS

I can drop you off around 12, but i won’t be able to do it at 1.

COURTNEY

Why not? It’s Sunday.

JUDAS

Exactly! The first NFL games start at 1pm.

COURTNEY

You’re kidding, right?

JUDAS

No! My Sundays are very important to me. I don’t miss the games for anyone.

COURTNEY

So all of a sudden, I’m anyone?

JUDAS

How are you going to ask me to do you a favor, and then get mad when I am too busy to oblige?

COURTNEY

I thought you were different, but I guess you’re just like all the other guys.

JUDAS

Why does this always happen?

COURTNEY

I’m definitely not sleeping in here tonight. You know, you can learn a lot from Phil; he’s a true gentleman.

JUDAS

I’ll ask him for some tips.

COURTNEY

I’ll be sleeping on the couch. Good night.

JUDAS

There are some extra covers and pillows in the hallway closet.

COURTNEY

Thanks.

JUDAS

Good night.

In the morning, Judas wakes up to find Courtney is gone. He decides to call her.

COURTNEY

Hello.

JUDAS

Hey, why didn’t you let me know you were leaving?

COURTNEY

I didn’t want to wake you. Phil was good enough to meet me for breakfast and he dropped me off at the airport. he’s a great guy.

JUDAS

That’s the Phil I know. Ok, I hope you have a safe flight.

COURTNEY

Thanks. If you care, I’ll call you when I land.

JUDAS

Yeah, that’s cool. Next time, I’ll fly out to Arizona.

COURTNEY

I should stop talking to you since you’re an asshole, but I guess you can come out here and make up for your behavior.

JUDAS

Ok, we’ll talk later.

COURTNEY

Ok, bye.

                   [It's A Wrap!]

@PeteTeix617

Episode 7

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