This Actually Happened – October 29th, 2011

Jesus’ Biggest Fan

One of my biggest gripes with religion is the fact that people are taught to separate themselves from those who have different opinions. A recent incident on Facebook is a great example of what can result from a freshly washed brain. A friend of mine, “Jesus,” posted an interesting statement on his page. (I chose to call my friend Jesus because I think it will be funny to have Jesus’ biggest fan chastise his “lord and savior!”) Jesus wrote, “Its not that I dont believe in God, I just dont worship the motherfucker.” I immediately clicked the “like” button, and added a comment. I wrote, “You’re going to HELL!” Others added their own comments and it was all in good fun. Jesus has no problem speaking his mind, and I guess that’s exactly how he felt on the particular day. The original posting was at 5pm and there were five comments during the day. I can see how people would think the comment was controversial, but I didn’t give it another thought; I enjoyed the laugh and completely forgot about the statement. The following day is when amazing happened. (Now that we don’t have an NBA season, we have to look for amazing in other places!) In the morning I checked my Facebook notifications and found a splendid surprise. Someone added a comment to Jesus’ post. Here is what the guy wrote: “He doesnt need your worship or belief for Him to pay you a visit. Like I always said, your gonna look nice and defined in your casket one day. All that physical labor will lead you to to the “mother$ucker”(as you so eloquently put it) for Divine Judgement. As you know, your life is sand in an hour glass….tick tick tick tick one day you’ll know for sure. In your case I hope he doesnt mind being called “mother&ucker”, or else its double death for you my friend. Oh thats not my opinion, its Gods Word. All manner of sins can be forgiven except Blasphemy of the Spirit. You just severely Blasphemed there Jesus. By calling Him what you did you also opened the door for me to judge your fruits. I see the fruit in you is of the devil so I will now have to part ways on Facebook. Ill pray for you, however, you seemed to already have judged yourself with your own words.” The guy also added a link. ‘’ At first, I thought it was a link to some religious conversion video, in which someone proclaimed “’god’ is good,” but it was a rap video. (Shouldn’t “god” be better than, good? Seems like he’s not giving the maximum effort! I’ll come back to the church when “god” is, great!) The artist from the link is a rapper who found “god,” and the song is actually not bad. (Who knows, maybe I’ll start getting into this Christian rap!) I almost pissed my pants when I read the heavenly comment. I was going to just let it go, but I felt compelled to say something. I added, “Damn Jesus, even I never lost a Facebook friend over religion! Ha ha!” I then felt the need to assure my friend that he was not going to Hell. I wrote, “I have good news for you, Jesus; just checked the Bible and your comment is not blasphemy. You were simply stating a fact. “God” is everyone’s father, which indeed makes him a motherfucker!” Let this be a lesson to all; people are free to believe whatever they want. I had to find out who this guy was, but his profile is private. Luckily, I did find out some interesting information. He only has 70 friends. (Probably due to his stringent religious screening process!) He lists his activities as, “Jesus, video games.” (I’m not surprised!) Under interests he lists: “Jesus, Sports.” (I’m assuming he doesn’t play, “kill the man with the ball!”) My favorite is the fact that he likes, “Jesus Music, Bizzle.” (Bizzle is a Christian rapper who believes Lil’ Wayne and Jay-Z worship the devil!) Some people are way too extreme for me! BELIEVE IT OR NOT!

The Gators will destroy Georgia at 3:30pm! (EST) Don’t miss the world’s largest outdoor cocktail party!


Be sure to check back tomorrow for a preview of next week’s posts!


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