Bagging Up – Episode 5

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INT. JUDAS’ APARTMENT

The following Friday, the guys agree to meet up to discuss the visit with James. Everyone is sitting in the living room waiting for Matthias to arrive.

[The doorbell rings.]

JUDAS

Finally!

Judas buzzes the door open.

BARTHOLOMEW

So Simon, is everything back to normal with you and Leslie?

SIMON

Of course! She loves me; I can pretty much do whatever I want.

PHILIP

She deserves to be treated better.

SIMON

You’re talking? I wanna hear about the latest fumble; I hear it was epic.

Bartholomew looks at Phil. shakes his head disapprovingly, and walks towards the bathroom without saying a word.

SIMON

Damn, it was that bad huh?

JUDAS

Yeah!

The door opens and Matthias walks in.

MATTHIAS

I got here before Bart?

JUDAS

He’s in the bathroom; why are you always late?

MATTHIAS

Because unlike you losers, I actually have a real job with real responsibilities.

Simon exits the bathroom.

SIMON

Ok, everyone is here; what happened with James?

JUDAS

Nothing really. He is doing as good as can be expected. He still won’t know how long he’ll be locked up, until his lawyer hears back from the prosecutor.

SIMON

They offered him a plea?

JUDAS

Not yet, but that’s what he’s hoping for. He said for us to keep in touch and pray for him; that’s about all we can do.

MATTHIAS

Damn, this sucks.

BARTHOLOMEW

Yeah, first we lose you to marriage, and now this.

The guys laugh.

MATTHIAS

I’m trying to be serious and you’re cracking jokes.

BARTHOLOMEW

I’m serious; you’re whipped.

JUDAS

I already told you guys what happened with James and the girl, and that’s pretty much all we know about his ordeal. What happened with you this weekend, Simon?

SIMON

I handled business.

BARTHOLOMEW

You’re getting soft; I can’t believe you backed out of the trip. Did you do any site seeing?

SIMON

I actually had a great time. I was pissed the first day, but then I met a hottie and things turned for the better.

PHILIP

You bagged a chick during your couple’s weekend? What’s wrong with you; didn’t you go there to work on being a better boyfriend?

SIMON

No dumbass! I went to shut Leslie up. I didn’t want to deal with her complaining.

JUDAS

Nice!

PHILIP

You guys are unbelievable.

SIMON

I don’t know about me, but the Susan was extremely unbelievable.

BARTHOLOMEW

You banged the chick?

SIMON

Of course!

JUDAS

I gotta hear this!

SIMON

It was easy. When I got of the phone with you guys, I asked around and found a day spa. I bought Leslie the works and surprised her. Not only did I score major points and get a handsome reward when she returned, but I cleared up enough free time to score with Susan.

PHILIP

That’s nasty! You banged two chicks in one day? I hope you washed up after the first one.

SIMON

I planned to, but there wasn’t enough time. Susan barely made it out the back entrance before Leslie walked into the room.

JUDAS

So, you basically had a threesome?

SIMON

I never thought of it that way. I guess it was a threesome. Nice!

BARTHOLOMEW

Na, that’s not a threesome. If the chicks don’t fool around with each other, it doesn’t count.

JUDAS

Yeah, that’s true. I guess Simon had an and one!

The guys laugh.

SIMON

I like that; and one!

BARTHOLOMEW

Yeah, I’ve done that a few times.

JUDAS

I think everyone has; right Phil?

The guys laugh and Philip shakes his head.

BARTHOLOMEW

It’s funny because I think the chicks always smell the sex on you.

JUDAS

Yeah, they always ask, but I always blame it on sports or working out.

BARTHOLOMEW

It works like a charm!

PHILIP

Do you guys ever worry about diseases; I could never sleep with two chicks in one day. And you guys don’t even wash in between the sex.

JUDAS

Slow down Phil. I think you should work on banging one chick and then you can worry about getting an and one.

The guys laugh except for Philip.

BARTHOLOMEW

Hey Simon, did Leslie notice?

SIMON

Definitely! I told her that I was working out.

JUDAS

They fall for it every time.

BARTHOLOMEW

Hey Matt, why are you so quiet; did Michele ban you from talking about chicks with us?

The guys laugh.

MATTHIAS

I’m just listening to you guys talk about how nasty you are.

JUDAS

Yeah right! He’s thinking about all the times he smelled a little sex on his wife; he’s wondering if she had any and ones!

Simon, Bartholomew, and Judas laugh.

PHILIP

That’s not cool, man.

MATTHIAS

It’s ok, I know what I have at home.

BARTHOLOMEW

Yeah, you have a parole officer who is probably about to call and check up on you; you’re the most whipped person I know.

MATTHIAS

Speaking of whipped, what’s going on with Mr. player over here?

He points to Judas.

JUDAS

Me? Are you crazy?

MATTHIAS

I don’t know; you tell me? I’ve been seeing some questionable comments on Facebook.

JUDAS

That? That’s nothing; I think she’s out of touch with reality.

BARTHOLOMEW

What is he talking about?

SIMON

Don’t tel me my boy is slippin’

MATTHIAS

Let me read what she wrote.

Matthias pulls out his phone and logs onto Facebook.

MATTHIAS

I quote, “I am the luckiest girl in the world.” She added five exclamations points and a smiley face. “Nothing can ruin my day; I have a good man.” And of course the smiley face. The next post reads, “Correction, I have a great man.” She added two smiley faces.

BARTHOLOMEW

This chick must be nuts if she’s talking about Judas.

JUDAS

Yeah, she’s crazy. She said I love you after a week.

BARTHOLOMEW

You have to stop lying to these chicks.

JUDAS

I didn’t even lie to this one. I started talking to her and her hot friend and somehow I woke up with her. I’m still trying to bang the friend.

PHILIP

What? How are you going to pull that off; this chick loves you.

JUDAS

Phil, you have to understand that these chicks are sluts; they are all open. All I I have to do is invite the friend over and boom; I’m in there.

BARTHOLOMEW

I say you stay far away from this one.

MATTHIAS

Yeah, I think she might start stalking you.

JUDAS

Don’t worry; in a few days, she’ll be posting about how men aren’t shit and how you don’t know who your true friends are.

The guys laugh.

SIMON

That shit is funny. It’s the same thing every time. They post about being happy and then a few weeks later, men aren’t shit.

PHILIP

It’s because you guys are treating women like they are easy to replace.

JUDAS

Phil, they are easy to replace.

SIMON

Speaking of chicks, what happened with Phil?

Bartholomew stands up and walks towards the door.

BARTHOLOMEW

I am not sticking around to hear this; I’ll see you guys later.

The guys laugh.

MATTHIAS

Damn, it was that bad?

JUDAS

This might be the worst one of all.

PHILIP

Don’t listen to their nonsense; they can’t seem to understand that I’m not a male whore.

SIMON

What? What the hell are you talking about; you don’t like chicks?

PHILIP

yeah, but I’m looking for something real; not just some skank to sleep with.

JUDAS

Let me tell the story before he continues with with the Phil-planations.

MATTHIAS

What the hell is that?

Simon laughs.

SIMON

Is that what we’re calling Phil’s bullshit excuses?

JUDAS

Yeah!

The guys all laugh except Phil.

JUDAS

He met this banging chick and fumble the rock on the goal line.

MATTHIAS

Don’t tell me it’s the chick on your Facebook page. I thought that was some porn star you were stalking.

JUDAS

She’s hot, right?

PHILIP

I didn’t fumble; we’re getting to know each other.

JUDAS

Show Simon, so he can see Phil’s work.

SIMON

I have to see this chick.

Matthias pulls up the woman’s picture and hands his phone to Simon.

SIMON

Get the fuck out of here! Are you telling me Phil fumbled the rock with this chick?

JUDAS

Yeah! She was the one who bagged him; she invited him back to her room for Pete’s sake.

SIMON

Phil, tell me he’s lying.

Phil didn’t say anything, he just shrugged his shoulders sheepishly. Simon was truly disgusted. He shook Matthias’ hand, then shook Judas’ hand; he looked at Philip and walked out of the apartment without saying a word.

MATTHIAS

Phil, what’s going on; how do you not bang that chick?

PHILIP

Because I just met her; I’m not the type to sleep with a woman I don’t know.

MATTHIAS

Damn Phil, look at this chick; I’m married and I would’ve slept with her.

JUDAS

I can’t understand it either.

MATTHIAS

Phil, you can tell us if you’re not into chicks; we won’t turn our backs on you.

JUDAS

Definitely not turning my back to a gay dude.

The guys laugh.

PHILIP

I’m not gay; I just have morals.

JUDAS

That’s cool; more chicks for me!

MATTHIAS

I hope you find a good girl, Phil.

JUDAS

Good luck with that; these chicks are all about getting it in.

PHILIP

I’d expect you to say something dumb like that.

JUDAS

Whatever man; let’s go get some food. Maybe you’ll meet that special lady. Matt you coming?

MATTHIAS

Na, I’m having dinner with the wife.

JUDAS

Big surprise!

The guys exit the apartment and Matthias separates from his friends.

JUDAS

So Phil, you’re not going to try and bang this chick?

PHILIP

I am trying to get to know her; she’s actually a lot of fun. Maybe if you stopped focusing on sex, you’d appreciate how wonderful getting to know a woman can be.

JUDAS

Maybe you’re right; I’ll give it a try.

PHILIP

Yeah right!

JUDAS

I’m serious. I’m going to friend some chicks on Facebook and get to know them.

PHILIP

It doesn’t work if you plan on sleeping with them.

JUDAS

No, I’m going to do it like you; I’ll pick chicks from out of state.

PHILIP

I don’t see you lasting more than a week.

JUDAS

We’ll see how it goes.

                          [It's A Wrap!]

@PeteTeix617

Episode 6

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