Not Hood Enough

Although I grew up in the inner city, I can now look back on my life and admit that I didn’t get the full experience. There were many wonderful opportunities to fit into a stereotype which I missed out on; here is a list of the reasons I believe I am “not hood enough!”

Each example will be given a value. At the end, add up your total and post your score on Facebook, Twitter, or in the comments section! Any score above 100 will be considered hood enough! Congrats to those who are deemed worthy! (Good Luck!)


A …Waking up early in the morning, walking towards the LQ spot with my mom and watching her buy a bottle of malt liquor before dropping me off at school. (25 points)

B …Smoking marijuana. (10 points)

C …Visiting my dad in prison, or at least writing him letters. (25 points)

D …Forbidding my child from watching Barney and Friends because it’s corny. (10 points)

E …Having a baby in my teens. (10 points)

F …Getting my own EBT card. (25 points)

G …Walking around in the latest fashion, and then having to bum a dollar because I don’t have any money. *I chose bum and not borrow for a reason!* (25 points)

H …Slipping-up, impregnating a girl, only seeing my child when it is convenient for me, and then blaming my “crazy BM” for my inability to be responsible! (25 points)

I …Stealing from local businesses and having my mom be proud of me. (25 points)

J …Not trying my best in school, and then blaming “the man” for keeping me down when my life sucks. (25 points)

K …Having a grandmother who smokes marijuana with me. (25 points)

L …Asking my mom for a bag of chips and having her yell at me, “didn’t I tell your ass that I wasn’t buying you shit?” (25 points)

M …Being able to sing along to explicit rap lyrics and having the adults in my life become filled with joy because they think it’s cute. *Why couldn’t my parents have been cool?* (25 points)

N …Having no sense of reality and believing that I beat the system because I get free food and public housing. (25 points)

O …Hating others who are successful because they decided to work hard, and then realizing that my plans to retire as a drug lord probably won’t come to fruition. (25 points)

P …Giving my mom money so she can buy me some blunts and beer, because I am not old enough.  (25 points)

Q …Hating police officers because I am breaking the law and they are doing their jobs. I would have loved to say, “don’t they have anything better to do!” (25 points)

R …Joining a gang and shooting up my rivals. (25 points)

S …Listening to rap music and structuring my life after what the artists suggest. (25 points)

T …Being forty and living like a teenager. (I still can make this one a reality!) *Fingers Crossed* (25 points)

U …Being fired from every single job because, although I am always late, my boss has an attitude problem. (25 points)

V …Borrowing a large amount of money and saying, “I’ll pay you back when I get my tax return!” *Knowing I plan on buying a flat screen with my tax money* (25 points)

W …Complaining that my father was never in my life, and then producing offspring and not being in their lives. (25 points)

X …Being unemployed, and LOVING IT! *Working is for suckers!* (25 points)

Y …Being arrested so many times that the prison feels like a second home to me. And having the guards hook up the “crispest” jump suits! (25 points)

Z …Being a guest on Maury in order to determine if the four mothers are telling the truth about me having seven children. (25 points+ 15 extra points for minutes of fame!)

Obviously, I can’t include all of the characteristics which encompass being “hood enough,” but if the reason for me ending the list at “Z” is not clear to you, you have earned yourself some bonus points, my friend! (100 points)

If you did not qualify to be “hood enough,” don’t worry; you can always raise your child to be hood enough! Being the cool parent is better than being a square!

With a tallied score of zero, I am clearly not “hood enough!” If I had a chance to go back and do it all over again, I would keep it real!


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