Great Advice

Due to my recent change in work schedule I will keep this one short, simple, and funny. (I will also blame @Efidalgo12 who suggested we edit the movie script!)

Today, I found a hilarious tweet from ESPN’s Jamele Hill. She posted a newspaper column which actually made me COL! (Let’s get the chuckled out loud movement going!)

For all of the people who do not have perfect vision, I went the extra mile and retyped the text. You’re welcome! (Why people feel the need to use performance enhancers such as glasses or contacts, I have no idea!) I prefer to keep it real and use my god given visual talents!

Enjoy!

Why men shouldn’t write advice columns

     Dear John,

I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work, leaving my husband in the house watching TV. My car stalled, and then it broke down about a mile down the road, and I had to walk back to get my husband’s help. When I got home, I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor’s daughter!

I am 32, my husband is 34 and the neighbor’s daughter is 19. We have been married for 10 years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted they had been having an affair for the past six months. He won’t go to counseling, and I’m afraid I am a wreck and need advice urgently. Can you please help?

Sincerely, Sheila

Dear Sheila,

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.

I hope this helps,

John

-          Forwarded by Steve Sanderson,

Gilbert, S.C.

This letter is probably not real, but I found it to be quite amusing! (If this is what passes for an advice column, I would love to have that job!)

I thought about Sheila’s problem and I decided to write my own advice for her.

Dear Sheila,

I know you must feel as if your marriage is falling apart, but you have to realize that these things happen! I would say good luck but you are pretty much screwed; unless you believe in the “good lord.” In that case, your husband cheated for a reason. Keep faith in “god,” and everything will work out in the end! (The “lord” will not burden you with anything that you cannot handle!)

     Everything is so much easier for a believer!

I planned on ending the post, but it was earlier than I thought. I decided to search the net for some more content; here are three of the funnier “real” letters to advice columns.

You can check out the website for yourselves:

(http://vbulletin.thesite.org/showthread.php/48197-Funny-short-advice-column-letters.)

1. Dear Abby,

A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym

teacher, and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women

go everywhere together, and I’ve never seen a man go into their apartment or

come out. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

2. Dear Abby,

I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much I’m not even sure this baby I’m carrying is his.

3. Dear Abby,

I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would never happen again. Should I believe him?

**I hope these were enjoyable!**

     I am no advice columnist, but I would love the opportunity to answer a question from a reader. Who is brave enough to seek out my advice? (I would not recommend accepting this challenge!)

P.S. – Only real problems, please!

@PeteTeix617

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