Friends, Bostonians, Countrymen, lend me your ears; I have come here to bury Barack, not to praise him! (A little plagiarizing never hurt anyone!)

Before I compare the two Presidents, I first want to say, I love how people call Barack Obama “Barry.” Is this some effort to make him seem more American and less threatening? (Who could ever hate someone that gets introduced as “my friend Barry?”) I also want to mention the fact that it was ridiculous how people challenged the fact that Barack was a non-Muslim. When did the Constitution state that Muslims were not allowed to serve as the President of the United States? What happened to freedom of religion?

Bush was widely supported by the religious-right, but he didn’t adhere to the “What Would Jesus Do” way of living. Jesus wouldn’t invade Iraq, and Jesus wouldn’t lie about WMDs! I hope all of the people who voted based on religion feel great about their decision. (I honestly believe there should be a test given to anyone who wants to vote. Allowing any idiot to have an equal say in who runs our nation is the dumbest part about the entire election process!)

When it comes to deciding which President I like more, I will not consider political policies and campaign promises, although I will discuss them. (I would be writing for several days if I had to point out every flaw and broken promise that each leader has committed.) Politicians are all the same. I pick my favorites according to my own criteria.

This may come as a surprise, but I like Bush the sequel more than I like Obama. “Why? It’s simple. Bush is funny!

“How can you like Bush; he’s a racist who did nothing for the people of New Orleans!” Don’t be an idiot. The way Bush handled Hurricane Katrina had nothing to do with racism. He was simply inept. *News Flash* The guy is not a genius! He had absolutely no qualifications to be elected President, but the people loved him, so we were stuck with W.

“What do you mean Bush isn’t a racist?” if you consider Bush Racist because he mishandled Katrina, then Obama is equally as racist for the way he mishandled the government funding for the flood victims in Iowa.

“What floods in Iowa?” Exactly! No one even concerned themselves with the horrible floods because we were so busy focused on money and the economy that we failed to care about our fellow Americans! People didn’t hold Barack responsible for not helping the Iowa flood victims, because the media didn’t cover the devastation. No, Barack is not racist; like Bush, he’s inept!

Below is one picture of the wreckage. If you want to know more, be proactive and Google it!

Does this picture remind you of Katrina”?

Now that we have established the fact that Bush and Obama are equally inept, let’s move on to what truly matters. Obama loses major points because he is boring. He’s eminent and Presidential. (Who the hell wants that?) I grew sick and tired of listening to his speeches, we already know what he is going to say and everything sounds rehearsed. It’s all the same and it’s all bullshit. I don’t know why people thought he was going to be some “Messiah.” He is a man like all the other Presidents, and his main objective is to look out for number one—and his lobbyists of course.

It’s not like Obama became king of America. He doesn’t have absolute power. Like every other American leader, Obama has to work with other elected officials and their all too busy trying to keep their own political parties in power. Politicians can’t worry about doing something meaningful for the voters; they have priorities.

There should be no expectations when it comes to politicians. Be grateful when one actually comes through, but don’t hold your breath waiting for results. (I am obviously speaking about major political players. The lower level political figures are caring people for the most part, but they lack the power to make the changes that are necessary; the very citizens these politicians aspire to help fail to give them the proper support.) *I’ll definitely include myself when I talk about the uninvolved people.*

There is obvious progress concerning race relations with Obama’s election, but true progress will occur when no one notices the color of the President’s skin—we have a long way to go!

Bush, unlike Barack, was a wild card; we had no idea what he was going to say or do. His mannerisms alone kept us tuned in. Each speech provided extremely hilarious moments. (Don’t forget the fact that someone actually threw his shoes at W…That was classic!) Other than Yogi Berra, there is no one with more dumb quotes; Bush is king of comedy! Because of W, the term Bushisms was coined. The man also had balls. He treated the citizens of the United States of America as if we were some dumb love struck school girl, who he was dating. He did nothing but fib and tell us what we wanted to hear.

Secretary of State: “Mr. President, there are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.”

W: “That’s OK. They love me; they’ll believe whatever I say.”

Bush to the American Public: “We will remove all of Saddam’s WMDs and we will free the people of Iraq and bring democracy to the nation!” (We bought it hook, line, and sinker!)

Secretary of State: “Mr. President, the war is not even close to being over; we’ll be there for another ten or so years.”

W: “That’s OK. Did you forget? They love me!”

Bush to the American Public: “Mission Accomplished!” (Amazing!)

Obama is the reason I don’t watch the late night talk shows anymore; there are no jokes. There is absolutely nothing humorous about the guy; he’s too calculated and distinguished. Bush jokes filled at least three minutes on a nightly basis. He was comedic gold! When George W. Bush handed over the reins to Barack Obama, comedians all over the world mourned the loss of a wonderful resource. They have yet to recover. Thank goodness for people like Palin and Bachmann!

I miss Bush. And I also miss the comedian who was a splitting image of W. The guy was hysterical. Comedy Central roasts will never be the same without him. The only comedic moment provided by Obama was the video by pastor manning. “Barack Obama is a long-legged Mack-Daddy!” I can watch that video all day. (Youtube it; you won’t regret it!)

I didn’t vote for Bush, but I voted for Barack. I actually lost a bet to an ex-girlfriend so I had no choice in the matter. I also knew the historical significance of the election, so I didn’t mind participating. (I am a history major!)

When it comes down to the nitty-gritty, Bush is my guy! I’ve always been a Bush guy! (Yes, pun intended!) Sorry Barack…get a sense of humor and I’ll reconsider my choice. Honestly, which guy would you want to hang out with? Bush wins in a land-slide.

“But we’re talking about Presidents, not who is more fun to hang out with!” I know, but neither man is qualified to be President. If Obama was a white politician from Kansas, he wouldn’t have even been in the running. (Yeah, I said it!) Let’s call it like it is. The guy is as qualified as Bush. The fact that he is way more intelligent than W, doesn’t make him the right choice to run the White House. The man had no leadership experience and we gave him the keys to the world.

I can’t wait to experience all of the changes that Barack promised. Let me guess…we should allow him one more term, so he can finally fulfill his promises. (No thanks!) When it comes to Presidents, we need to understand that they will only do what they must for their lobbyists. The voters will always be screwed. In the next election, I am supporting Sarah Palin. (She’ll be a riot!) To Massachusetts’ own Mitt Romney, I say, NO! (He’ll be as boring as Barack!)

As far as Barack’s re-election, I’ll quote my good man George W. Bush. “There’s an old saying in Tennessee, I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee….that says, Fool me once shame on *Awkward pause* shame on you. *Another awkward pause* You fooled me, can’t get fooled again!” (How can you not love a guy who fucks up such an easy quote?)

If you believe in the election process, good for you; I applaud you. No, I don’t vote and I don’t complain! Make your own success; don’t rely on the government to provide for you!

I don’t know about you, but I’m about to go Google some Bushisms!

Before I go, I feel compelled to leave another quote: “Too many OBGYNs aren’t able to practice there…there love with women all across this country!” (COMEDIC GOLD!)

@PeteTeix617